Outside yesterday, the sun was dancing on the waters of Joe's Bay...full of the joys of spring. Inside...my backside had plunked down on the floor in a little burnout session. It seems to be timed quarterly for this multi-tasking, pattern-watching caregiver. Trying to catch little stones we sometimes make our own avalanches, methinks. To change an old quote, "We think, therefore...we over-think."
There is freedom in letting ourselves, from time to time, be The Fool. There's freedom in letting-go of all the thinking, except to name the feelings. In a poem I wrote the lines, "I name demons...but I won't own them...," which means the feelings are honest and need to be released...but they are not allowed to become a personality in my public wardrobe. In other words, we're all allowed a mindless tantrum as a pressure-release, just not at each other's expense.
So it was with exquisite timing, the calendar okayed a little caregiver "Me" day with the first of April. I used it to plunk myself down as a shapeless lump of clay, working, kneading, adding tears for moisture...until the frustration worked its way out and I could re-create myself for the next quarter. This is what it is to be human and dancing with Creation. Insisting you can handle everything, all the time is like being an abusive self-parent...and can only lead to some unseen rebellion, somewhere down the road.
All of us have our struggles and days the brightest sunlight cannot reach. On those days, take heart that all is movement and a foolish day will pass. Hang in there, neighbours because...what a difference a day makes. Sing us out Dinah...