R-E-S--P-E-C-T

How Do We Teach Respect and Responsibility?

There is a culture of wanting to be a friend to young people that pervades parenting and education in this country. If the adults charged with shaping the character of young people feel the need to “connect” with them on a more informal level, is that damaging to the position of the adult—the respect component? How do we teach responsibility? Caring people are called to guide children, but can that caring do more harm than good if it enables youngsters to continue irresponsible behavior such as parents giving too much help to children with homework or administrators letting bad behavior go without consequences because they have a soft spot for the student? Are we doing too much for our children?

When I was a student at Sammamish High School in the 1960s we had a running joke about what the principal, Mr. Torgeson, looked like. He was either in his office with the door shut or out of the building at a meeting. I joked that he didn't exist, but to coin a Dana Carvy Cranky Old Man phrase, “we liked it that way.” I don’t know what the vice principal had done during WWII, but I suspect it was drill sergeant. He was in charge of discipline. Cruising the halls during classes, Mr. Cherry looked for people skipping class. We tried hard not to be noticed by Mr. Cherry and as long as we weren’t, we liked it that way. These gentlemen did not attempt to “connect” with students. We had caring teachers and councilors who did that despite the fact that they expected respect and for the most part we were a pretty well behaved lot. If the administration wanted to connect with students it was liable to be at the business end of a paddle which brings to mind the cherry bomb in the boys’ toilet incident of the 100 wing. I don’t remember what happened there. Now before you run me out of the Neighborhood on a rail, let me say that I’m not advocating corporal punishment, but I believe that we may have thrown the baby out with the bathwater when American adults decided to be pals to their children. What happened to standing up when an adult enters the room and removing hats and caps when entering institutions for which we are supposed to have respect? What does this culture of being friends with your children do to educators when the “everyone’s a winner” and “you’re all perfect little snowflakes” children reach school? So how do we teach respect and responsibility? How do we make them pick up after themselves and do their homework?

You don't know who attends school with your child.

How can schools to protect the rights of their mentally ill students while simultaneously ensuring the safety of the staff and the rest of the student body? As the parent of a special needs offspring I am sensitive to the need of appropriate education in the least restrictive environment for all students, but at what point should a school, district, community draw the line when servicing a student who is mentally ill? If a student has indicated an interest in doing bodily harm to others, but has a learning disability, should the school chalk it up to bravado or accept an evaluation from a psychiatrist? What if that student has access to weapons?

Eric Harris wrote in his journal six months before he and Dylan Klebold rampaged at Columbine High School, "I have a goal to destroy as much as possible, and I must not be sidetracked by my feelings of sympathy, mercy or any of that." What, if anything could/would have school authorities done had that journal been read in school? One would hope that fifteen lives might have been saved on April 20, 1999. What have we learned since then? Will “Compassion Crews” and Rachel’s Challenge assemblies prevent another Columbine?

It is a fine line that public schools walk to maintain students’ rights to an appropriate education, confidentiality, and the safety of others. Due to privacy laws regulating the disclosure of sensitive personal information, school officials may only notify campus authorities or family members if they can with certainty conclude that a student poses a threat to him/herself or others. Parents of other students and other staff members are left in the dark while those in charge are left to hope. Unfortunately, the point at which violence becomes a real possibility is difficult to estimate. Faculty may often be forced to make a choice between either overstepping their roles as counselors and guardians due to a desire to protect students or by backing away from the issue in order to protect the rights of the ill student.

I have long felt that the law regarding who is fit for general education in public schools is too broad. I would not wish to refill all the institutions that were emptied in the 1970s, but in our rush to create “least restrictive environments” for citizens have we thrown the baby out with the bath water. There are only seventeen beds for mentally ill children at Western State and some few more at Fairfax Hospital in Kirkland and yet the proliferation of drugs in or society coupled with other environmental factors means that increasingly there are students in public schools who need help that outstrips the expertise of the school districts.

All students deserve an appropriate education, but do we not owe it to ill students to demand that their illness be addressed so that they are in a better position to take advantage of the offered education and prevent a disaster at school? What as a community do we want our public school communities to look like? How do we prevent another Columbine or Virginia Tech incident? With whom do your students spend six hours a day?